Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize