so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize