I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
