The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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