Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
