He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
