My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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