I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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