Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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