why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
