oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
