I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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