pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
