I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
