just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize