I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
