someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
