Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did i walk over a car last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
