I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
