wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
