my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
