i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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