i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
