i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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