let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
