just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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