1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
