clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
