Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
