Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
