Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize