Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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