Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
