I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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