i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
