clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
