I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
