I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
