So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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