JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
