Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We need to get me chipped asap
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
