Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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