do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
