I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
