She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
