i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
