I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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