I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We are two peas in an std pod
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
