My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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