She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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