I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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