i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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