Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
