still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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