You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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