Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Acid is not a monday night drug
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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