you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
