did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
