Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
