You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
