It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
