i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
