Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am naked and annoyed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
