currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
