She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
a search helicopter?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
