So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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