you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize